I wanna be so pissed that... You managed to hide everything from me. You pretended everything was okay. According to you, you said that you knew way before my birthday. My birthday, christmas... You pretended that you still loved me. You had so much time to let go of me. And yet... You decided to do this to me just before the new year. I don't know what to feel. You could've left me earlier. But why 30th of December?
You gave me the false hopes that you were gonna be there with me till 2012. You gave me hopes that I'd be able to hold you in my arms tight and wish you a happy new year and that no matter what, I'm just more than happy that you're still here and that you're still mine. And that I love you. WHY? I really changed. I really did. Guess you took all those time to give up on me. I see that now.
And you texted me only to tell me to ask her to stop. You didn't bother asking how I was. You didn't say Hi. Nothing. Just a cold text. This is where you're EXACTLY like her. The same thing both of you did, was to talk/text me coldly. And you were the one who said that you wish nothing would change and we'd still be the bestest of friends even after we broke up. And look who's contradicting every statement now.
I only lied... Because I thought that once I made up for it, it'd be okay. Guess I was wrong. Even after I stopped lying, I really gave my heart all to you. But my lies tore you from seeing that. I have no one else to blame but myself.
I tear up every time I see anything that reminds me of you. The rings, the polaroids, pictures, gifts from you and even drawings. I tear up. I don't wanna be so weak. I really wanna be the old me now. The one who didn't care and didn't feel anything at all. I wouldn't have to feel this way now. I wouldn't be feeling so empty anymore.
I'm back to the old days. Where I don't see any point of doing anything good anymore.
Cigarettes and pills became my best friends.